I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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