drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
