In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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