Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
