Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize