I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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