I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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