If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They took my balls.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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