if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
