i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
