I will die if light touches me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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