I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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