She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
