I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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