you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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