i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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