i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
