people are starting to question the shark bite story
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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