I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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