So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
