my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
