R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
