Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
