Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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