we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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