Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
