so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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