I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
