I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
