She's JV to your varsity
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
