it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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