God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
