I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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