okay pat passed out under dana's car
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
