You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
how drunk are you?
Several
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I see more hoeing in ur future
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