wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
