When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
