I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize