you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
