Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
