Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was CRYING into my vagina
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
