When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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