we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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