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So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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