once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
