I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
