In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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