Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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