wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
