i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its about making memories worth repressing
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
