You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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