So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
