I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
