winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
