Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
