How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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