What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
