we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
