It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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