Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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