I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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