My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
