hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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