So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
