He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
