Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
