I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
