I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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