I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
