I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
